Toga's Ramblings

I'm a Samoan girl named Toga. Thanks for that, Dad.

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

another year...

My birthday was yesterday. I turned 36. 3.6. what.the.heck. I look at myself in the mirror and cannot believe I am almost 40! Where did the time go?! Time has gone by way too fast. I sit back and look at my life and I'm happy. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm happy nonetheless. I feel behind in life.; I have yet to complete my college education. I want more children. I still live with my family. All the things I thought I'd have completed by now are still on my "TO DO" list. I still plan on completing these things, but when I think of how old I am, I get a little discouraged because I'm "old" 
But when I'm not all in my feelings and I sit back and count my blessings, I realize my life is pretty darn awesome; I live in Hawaii, I live with my family who have been so generous to us, I have a beautiful son who is healthy and strong and so very smart, and I have a husband who honors his priesthood, loves and takes care of our family, and so much more...
I am really excited for our life and what my Father in Heaven has in store for us.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

yes, i only have one child...

Last year a sister in the nursery was telling a story about her grandchildren fighting constantly and keeping her on her toes. After she found out I "only have one kid" she told me "Oh, that doesn't count, cause you only get one. You don't know what it's really like" She tried to laugh it off. I, however, did not. I just got up and left. What I really wanted to do was throw the toy boat I had in my hand at her face.
This isn't the first time women have said things to me regarding having "only one child". I've been told things like, "I wish you would have another baby" or "When are you going to have another one?" or "You only have one?" or my fave, "How many kids do you have? Just one? really? Don't you want someone for your son to play with?"
No, I am purposefully hiding my other children in my back pocket because I want Simione to play by himself.
I hate feeling like I'm not a "real" mom because I "only have one" child.  I hate feeling like I have to apologize to these women for not having more children. I feel almost ashamed that I only have one child. ONE perfectly imperfect, full of love, light, and life son. A son who has brought so much joy into my life, who has taught me what love and forgiveness really is. And because I "only have one" I am somehow "don't count" as a mom.
 I should've thrown the toy at that lady and every other lady who says these stupid things to me.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

I love you Steve

Simione and I came back from a last minute trip to the mainland. Aj called me to tell me my Uncle Steve has passed away. I didn't instantly cry or yell out in disbelief like I did with Fiona. Truth is, I listened to what Aj had to say, asked a few questions and hung up the phone. Was I in a state of shock? I don't know. I told Alma what had happened. We get up, say our morning prayers and start our day. I do my usual routine and we talk about Steve. The tears start. The more we talked about Steve, the more my tears flow. Alma tried his best to comfort me. He reminds me of the Plan of Salvation. He reminds me that Steve is now free from pain and his body is made whole again. He is no longer a prisoner to his bed and to his earthly body; I cry harder. The realization that he is no longer tied to his bed and is in fact, running free and happy made me cry more. 
When I think of Steve lots of things come to my mind; "Geees Unco", His giant spoon and his giant bowl, Metal Tonka trucks, Stealing his hat and making him chase us around the house, his dancing, his love of watches/hats/sunglasses/pen/paper/money, Rita and I making him sniff Pepper to see if he would sneeze...he did not. lol 
While my heart aches for my dear Aunty Pela and cousin Rita, my memories of Steve and how he brought happiness to my life will always live on. 
I cannot bring myself to share my feelings about my Aunty and Rita, well, because I don't have the emotional energy to do it. I love them with all my heart and though I mourn for the loss of my family, my heart cannot fully comprehend the pain they are going through. I look at my own sisters and I cannot imagine losing any of them. Maybe in another blog I'll be able to do it, but for now, God Be With You Til We Meet Again my dear, sweet, loving Uncle Steve. 

Monday, November 2, 2015

A year of Firsts...

This year will be a year of "firsts" for me and my little family. Since moving to Hawaii, we've been able to do things here in Laie for the "first" time. We experienced our first New Year's here which was pretty awesome. I only took one pic of us and we're super hashed cuz we were still on WA time lol. I'll try to find that pic and post it later. This past week/weekend we went to our first trunk or treat and celebrated Halloween Laie style which was nothing short of amazing! We purchased Simione a pirate costume in August while we were at Costco because he really wanted one. He wore it for 3 days straight hahaha! As we got closer to Halloween I decided to buy him another costume because I wasn't so sure he would fit the pirate costume because it looked a bit snug on him. Well, he wore it to the primary trunk or treat and it fit just fine. He was so cute!!! My boy gets so excited about going places where there are kids but when he gets there he gets so scared. He won't let go of my hand and it glued to my side. It takes him a while to get adjusted and he'll leave my side. Other times, he'll just stick by my side and won't let me go. I feel so bad for him. When I see him, I see me. The fear and apprehension when walking into a room full of people who stare at you. Even now as an adult, I still struggle with walking in a crowded room. I sure do hope he grows out of this and takes after his "Mr Aloha" dad. lol
Halloween here in Laie is amazeballs!! The entire neighborhood comes out and participates. Our street (Iosepa St.) is the most popular and live street. Our neighbors set up a photo booth to fundraiser for the Elementary school and our neighbors two houses down set up a huge eazy corner and had their music blasting!!! So fun! We have become friends with the Muaina's across the street. (love them) and they were having a get together with good food and a jumpy house for the kids. The houses a few doors down also had their music bumpin with lights. Simione had a blast and so did we! Here are a few pictures from that night.

Along with celebrating our first Halloween here, Alma took us to our first Kahuku HS football game. The boys made it to the playoffs and we HAD to go. :) We didn't have any Kahuku shirts, but we did have red shirts. Alma didn't think it was good enough so we went to the school to purchase our red raider shirts haha! We had so much fun at the game! The vibe there was insane!!!! It is impossible to go to this game and NOT stand up and yell and cheer and sing! I loved every moment of it. I was cheering like I went to Kahuku! lol! It was a great game vs Mililani. We came out on time (I knew we would) 20-7 Kahuku. We going to the ship! What a great night. I can't wait to go to states!

Primary program pictures...

Here are a few pictures from the Primary program...

Sunday, October 25, 2015

primary program 2015 (late post)

This year is Simione's first year participating in the Primary Program. We got his part last month and he learned it right away; "I know my Savior loves me because He gave us animals" Pretty simple. Pretty straight forward. He learned it the same day we received his part and we reviewed it with him often and every week during FHE we went through it with him. We pulled out a chair for him to sit on, made a "Pulpit" and we had a "microphone" for him to speak in to. Alma or I would stand up and introduce the "primary" as if it were the actual program. Simon would sit in his chair smiling and waving at us and then would stand up and say his part. Every week we did that and even during some of our evening prayers. We explained to him each time that we would be sitting in the front where he could see us and we would wave at him and give him the "thumbs up" that way he new we were proud of him. All this so he would be "brave" like Thomas and Percy and mostly so he would feel safe while he was sitting up there.
I took him to the primary practice that was held and he almost didn't say his part. Aunty Teresa (his awesome primary teacher) stood up with him and helped him. He did say it, but I could tell he was startled by the sound of the mic. He didn't know he would be so loud. lol
And true to our word, I sat in the front during his practice and I waved at him and gave him the "thumbs up" while he sat/played up there with his class.
Saturday night, we all went to bed early so we could get good nights rest and wake up refreshed and make it to church on time. My MIL bought Simione a white shirt and tie earlier in the month that I was saving for the program because I didn't want him to stain his shirt. For some reason every time he wears a white shirt to church, it is the Sunday his teacher or the primary give out chocolate. lol
Anyhow, he wore his white shirt from Nana and the tie from Uncle Reuben and Aunty Jacquie. Nana got up early and prepared his Taovala (spelling?).  When we got to church, she put it on him while in the parking lot. We took pictures and we headed in.
My poor sweet son was instantly afraid. lol Alma and I were not surprised. It was ok. We still sat in the front like we said we would. We encouraged him throughout sacrament meeting. He would not go up there. lol He eventually agreed to go up and sit with his class, but he wouldn't stay up there. He would go up for a few mins then come back down. I didn't mind. He eventually stayed up there long enough for his turn to do his part. I went up there because he had been almost in tears asking for "my mommy". I went up to help him and he didn't say he part, I had to say it for him lol. My poor baby was too scared. But it was okay. Alma and I were not upset one bit. We were just happy he went up there and didn't cry hysterically. It's all good my baby boy. He was the only one that didn't say his part. HAHAHAHA. I'll post pictures later. i love you son. There's always next year my love! hahah!!!

Monday, October 12, 2015

PSfit (late post)

In my quest to become physically fit (I'm currently failing... ) I have inadvertantly let my spiritual "fitness" go down the drain. :( Because of this, my attitude and my whole demeanor had become so negative. As mentioned in my previous blog, I was not a happy girl.
I have since making in a point to have prayers in the morning with Simione and read my scriptures EVERYDAY, during waking hours. Not when I'm in bed. Reading in bed has been something I've always done but has not always been beneficial.
This week I've been thinking/praying and preparing myself spiritually and mentally for the upcoming General Conference. I'm really excited to hear the prophet speak as well as our other leaders. So excited!!! I've been thinking about Sami's (cousin) IG name; PSfit. Physically and Spiritually fit. I began thinking of my 100 year quest of trying to get physical fit. I was doing pretty well the first couple weeks and just like every other time, I fell off the wagon. The wagon basically ran me over and I have been left walking the fat, out of breath, over eating road alone. This week I've been trying to get myself back on the wagon. I started thinking of being physically fit but more specifically becoming spiritually fit. Just like always, I start off really great and on top of everything, but something or another happens, and I eventually fall of the spiritual wagon. I hate that!
Living in Laie makes it easier for me to stay on the wagon though. I can see the temple from my front lawn. Here's to me getting pSfit! xoxo