Toga's Ramblings

I'm a Samoan girl named Toga. Thanks for that, Dad.

Friday, August 28, 2009

$10 pilates dvd and equipment...waste of money.

This weekend we will spend it in Tacoma with mi familia. yay! In preperation for our weekend getaway, Alma and I always clean our house before we go. Today while he and Noah are putting up our fire alarms and fire extinguisher (safety first!) I am folding laundry and cleaning our room. We're all jammin' to music and having a good time getting the house together. I'm feeling good, they're feeling good. Everyfing is kewd. :)
I begin cleaning out our closet; getting rid of clothes we dont' fit or wear. Mostly don't fit. hehe. Getting rid of Alma's 5 pairs of tennis shoes he has never worn...ever. They're still BRIGHT WHITE. Waste money this guy. hehe. I find random things in our closet; a receipt from Walgreens in Vegas (good times), .25 (yes!), random socks, a G.I. joe figurine, and my lovely coach purse. :) An awesome gift from the bro-ham Tim last Kirisimasi.
I'm still cleaning and dancing. Still feeling good about myself even after I find my favorite pair of jeans I haven't been able to fit since I got married. Tell me again, why did I get married? It's totally ruining my life. lol. j/k. My last find in my quest to clean my room in great spirits...2 $10 pilates DVD and workout equipment Alma and I bought 3 months ago. I laugh to myself remembering what I told Alma when we bought them. "Babe, it's only $10! I've done pilates before and it's great! This is so cool. We can start doing pilates together." I'm laughing because, 1. We've done pilates a total of ZERO times since we've bought them. and 2. They're still in their packages...unopened. lmbo! Wait. I lie. One of them is opened. I opened it when we got home the day we bought them just to see what the equipment looked like. Since then, they've been pushed against the wall, behind our computer. haha! But I've decided I will no longer let these potential "miracle workers" stay hidden behind the computer. Today I will pick them up... and put them in my closet with those jeans I no longer fit. haha!
Here's to wasting money on workout DVD's and equipment!!!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Happy Birthday, Tina.

Today you turned the big 83! We called you today to wish you happy birthday. Of course you didn't remember. :) You actually told me, you forgot it was your birthday. haha. Alma's been trying to "forget" his birthdays since he turned 30...3 years ago! lol. You are so funny. Between our trying to wish you happy birthday, the first thing you asked me was, "How are you two doing?" I answer, "fine" You said, "good. I want to hear that." Even on your own birthday, your concern is whether or not I'm being a good wife. In fact, you're not the first person to ever ask me that? Why is that? Did Alma say something to you? lol.
I am so grateful you are still here with us. I love you so much. I use to worry you weren't going to be here to meet the man I married. But there you were. Crying when I told you I got married. Mad, because you weren't there. But that instantly turned into a smile when you saw Alma.
In so many ways I am still a selfish little girl, who worries about YOU not being around for ME. But what gives me peace is this wonderful gospel we are a part of. :)
I hope today was a good day for you. I know it was for your family. Today, I'm pretty sure each of us paused for a minute to thank the Lord for allowing you to be with us another year. I'll see you on Saturday, Tina!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

...for the temple is the house of God...

What a great day. Full of love. Full of learning. Full of tears. Full of prayers. As I sat in the temple and looked across to my love, I could not help but feel so overwhelmed with gratitude to my Father in Heaven for blessing me with this wonderful man. Oh how thankful I am for you! You are everything I have ever wanted. Heavenly Father does indeed answer prayers. My heart is full. I love you. Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Thank you for loving me and thank you for letting me love you. Together forever; you and me. :)

Friday, August 21, 2009

Dancing's my passion...hehe.

Phyllis has started her dance group up again. And because dancing is my passion, I've offered to help her. haha. Have you ever done something you really, really loved? Dumb question, huh? Lots of people do stuff they really, really love. Well, my whole life I've only done one thing I REALLY, REALLY loved doing. I know, lame. Quit judging me. Well, dancing is the only thing I've ever done that I REALLY, REALLY loved. So why did I ever stop, you ask? Why didn't I ever go to PCC like I always wanted and dance? Because I'm an idiot.
Anyone who knows me, knows I HEART PCC. In my mind I, Tuituiotoga Linsley Toelupe (still getting used to that. haha) am the owner of this wonderful, WONDERFUL land called PCC. No one loves it more than I. Stop laughing! It's totally true.
For a long time I have wanted to dance again. But for a long time I've also been FAT. So with my dreams to dance, my dancing body has also gone down the drain. The McDonald's, Burger King, OCB, China King Buffet drain.
So why haven't I been teaching? The whole, those you can't do, teach saying. ugh. I said I love dancing, not I love to teach dancing. That is whole different ball game, if you ask me. It takes so much patience and kindness and tact. These are skills one needs in abundance. I, for one, only have these skills in small, small, very tiny spurts. Enough to get me through the grocery line at Walmart (that barely is enough.). I have to borrow some of Alma's just to get me through that. I just want to go to practice, learn, dance my butt off, and go home. How awesome is that?!?
So with all this said, I am so very excited to help Phyllis. I am not teaching anything. I'm mostly just there to help her with whatever she needs. Plus, I'm gonna start dancing, too. :) But only in the very, very back. It's my way of exercising while doing something I love. That way, when I do get my 30 years in the making, "hot summer body" I'll be sure to push all them skinny b^%ches to the BACK! lmbo!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

my continued quest to be a better cook...or at least one that won't kill my husband.

I was on a roll today! First, I made breakfast for us AND he loved it. Of course, breakfast food is my specialty these days. :) Then came dinner...dun, dun DUNNNN!!! I made hamburger helper, rice, and corn. He ate it. ALL of it! WITHOUT gagging, or making that it's nasty, but keep eating it so you don't make her cry face. He thanks me for dinner, finish his glass of water, and leaves me to wash the dishes. WTH. Tell me again, Why do I want to be a better cook?

Sunday, August 16, 2009

I wish Joseph was my friend...

I thought I was done posting about my wonderful Sabbath, but I just had to come back and add one more thing. :) We learned about our prophet, Joseph Smith and the wonderful friendship's he had. He had written in his journal about his gratitude towards his wonderful friends. He spoke of their faithfulness, their steadfastness, their love and loyalty to him throughout his life. He often gave thanks for these relationships. We spoke of how we can strengthen our friendships, begin new ones, and even "start over" with old friends.
As I sat and listened to the words of our beloved prophet, I thought of my friends. I found myself reminicing (sp?) of all the great times we shared and how blessed I am to have them. When the subject of friends come up, I often say "I don't have any friends." But I do. I am so very, very blessed when it comes to these people. Each of you have been a great example to me, whether you think so or not. I sat in class naming all of you, tearing up at how much we have shared throughout the years, smiling at how long we've come. And with my thoughts of these people, I also thought of the old friendships I was able to get back. What a wonderful life I have! I pray that one day I may be a good a friend as Joseph Smith. What a great example he is. I wish he were my friend...:)

Sunday, I've missed you.

Today we talked/learned about service. The Spirit was so strong in class. I loved hearing everyone's testimony about this commandment. I was reminded of my Savior and His great example of service. His life was dedicated to serving others. To serving me. One comment made in class in regards to our Savior almost had me bursting out in tears. He spoke of our Savior and His life of service. He spoke of how the Savior walked a lonely road. It was our Savior's reason here on this earth; to serve us and die for us. Jesus Christ performed the greatest acts of service for us all...the Atonement. It is through service we can be closer to our Father in Heaven. It is through service we can attain eternal life. One cannot just pray for the sick and afflicted or the homeless. One must get up and serve them. The old "actions speak louder than words" quote comes to mind. I walked out of class having a renewed desire to serve others. Do I plan on going out and doing this HUUUGE service project? One day. But until then, I'll start by serving in my home. What a great day. Sunday, I've missed you. Thanks for today. :)

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Today's highs:

Today was a long day for us. But as I lay here on my bed with my computer pulled as close as possible to me, typing in a really awkward position, I reflect on today's "highs"
5. Alma and I get to spend this incredibly long day...TOGETHER.
4. We got to spend time with our sister Nat.
3. Family time in the morning, but esp with Gabriel. I miss hanging out with you cuz. Glad you were with us.
2. Hugs and kisses from Leila cakes and Maximo
1. Leila and I walk upstairs, she looks into Tina's room, points at her, looks and me and says, "It's nana! She sleeping. Hi nana."

We spent a total of 8 hours on the road today. Traffic was terrible, but the company was great. These are just some of my highs for today. While I'm typing this, I'm "crying ugly" like Lili does. Mostly at my #1 high for today. It really did melt my heart when I heard this. I could not help but think of my sisters and I at her age, having the same reaction when we saw Tina. Thank you Leila for your innocense and your continuing example of love. You and Max really do make our family better. We were so lame before you two lovelies came along. :)

Friday, August 14, 2009

For the love of Clara

I see you now; older, weaker, confused, afraid, childlike. My heart breaks a little. Time has gone by so quickly. My eyes do not recognize the face looking back at me. Father time, you make me sick. I try to think of how you feel. How scared you must be. Not knowing what is really going on. Not remembering where you are, or who we are. When I think of how much you've changed, I cry a little. I still remember when you moved to WA to take care of us. I remember our daily walks around the neighborhood. You with your huge walking stick, us with ours. I remember our early morning prayers and evening scripture readings. I remember our F.H.E. when you would scold me for wanting to be a police officer when I grew up, because girls are not supposed to be cops. :) After I cried, I'd change my statement to, "I want to go on my mission when I grow up." We both know how that turned out. lol. I remember how you would make us take our monthly dose of castor oil. YUCK! Or how you throw all the leftovers into a pot and call is "sua" whatever. lol. That is where my love of leftovers or "scraps" comes from. lol. I remember hearing you sing while you played your guitar. I also remember how you would make us all line up and sing "I'll Find you my Friend" over and over and over...bleh. :) My life is full of memories of you. My life is better because of you.


I was in court on Thursday. Waiting for my turn to testify, I began playing solitaire with the deck of cards left in the waiting room. I was taken back to when I was younger, watching you play solitaire on the floor or on the table. I always think of you. Whenever I see a temple, I think of you. How you always told me whenever you go to the Lord's house every pain or discomfort you had in your body ALWAYS went away. Whenever you were feeling weary you always said you have to go to the temple, because that is how you will get better. You are my example of faith. I got married this year. You were right. When I'm in the temple EVERYTHING is better. I am stronger when I leave then when I went in. Age has slowly taken your memory. At times you don't recognize me, but when I tell you who I am, your face lights up as if you've been waiting and waiting for me. My heart melts a little. When I tell you again I got married in the temple, you light up with pride and instantly tell me to give you a kiss. My hearts melts a little more. When I think of how you hurt. When I see A.J. cry for you. And as I sit and type this. My heart breaks.

Tonight I cried for you. I sobbed for you. I couldn't stop. I pleaded for help from the Lord. I called AJ asking for you. She started to worry because I was crying so hard. She assured me you were okay. That you were asleep. I finally stop crying. I feel better, but now my eyes hurt.

Me being annoyed, childish, and still not caring. My feelings are still valid!

I don't know about any of you, but when I write my blogs, the ones I think are pretty funny I ask Alma to read it. I ask him to read it because I want to see his reaction. I want him to read it, because I want him know what I blog about. He's my husband and I like sharing stuff with him. So tonight, I ask Alma to read a couple of my blogs because I think they're funny. He says okay and starts to read. I'm reading along with him, but I ask him to read out loud so I can hear my beautifully crafted writing (so conceited) and hear his reaction. Of course he reads out loud but is reading so fast that he's mumbling. So all I hear is every 7th or 8th word. To make matters worse he's reading with zero feeling whatsoever. Needless to say I'm annoyed. I'm a bit offended that he doesn't think my writing isn't funny, because THEY ARE. But I'm mostly upset that he doesn't care, or he doesn't act like what I'm writing is important enough for him to PRETEND like he cares. I realize that those of you reading this blog may think I'm being a child, but I say to you...shush yo mouf. I don't care! But I love you guys. And of course now he's apologizing because he knows I'm upset about something. And of course somehow in the end I'll be apologizing for being a child. ugh. Sometimes I hate being an adult. hehe. I still lalalalalove you Alma.

Getting to know my new family.

This week some of my new cousins, my bro-in-law his wife are in town working on the Seattle temple. Since Alma and I are also in town we wanted to have dinner with our family. Alma, myself, and Zeno picked up Nat (sis-in-law) from the train station and off we go to Bellevue to meet with our family. Alma comes from such a gigantor (yep, that's a word.) family and it's really nice meeting them in small groups like this. :) Tonight, I got to spend time with Doug&Dori Stone, their four beautiful children (Brian, Brig, Ben, Zion), Marvin & Nat, and of course my hubbster and Zeno. It was great talking with these guys and laughing at their stories from back in the day. Dinner was great, the atmosphere was full of love. What else can a girl ask for? Well, a size 10 waist wouldn't hurt. hehe. I laugh, but I'm totally serious. lol.

Mea ga e maua soga fia young ma hip ma

Last December, Alma and I went out to play pool with some of our family. Afterewards they wanted to go to Denny's. Alma and were reluctant to go because it was after 2am, we're old, and we wanted to sleep. We were talking in the car about just going home, but then decided no. We are going to be young and hip and cool tonight! We are going to Denny's regardless of the fact that our eyeballs want to fall out due to our exhaustion or that our bones were sore from all the days activities; watching t.v., driving around, eating...etc. So off we go to Denny's. Things are going fine. We're having a good time with each other as usual. Then the cook draws our attention to the parking lot of Denny's. There's a fight outside that did not end very well. And because I'm nosey and couldn't stop staring, however many months later, today I had to show up to court and testify as a witness. The next time Alma and I decide we want to be young and hip and cool, we will remember that night at Denny's. But aside from our night at Denny's, we'll also remember that well, we're not young... or hip... or cool. Mostly likely because I still say the word "hip" lol.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Dr. visit.

It's been a while since I've blogged anything about my life. It's partly because of my laziness, but mostly because my boring life. lol. Lili, I mean the "blog patrol" told me I should blog about my Dr's visit today, because she thinks it'll be funny. I don't know why. It's not like I had to step on a digital scale scared to death that it would read, "error" because I'm a fatty. Or after a grueling, what seemed to be FOREVER, the scale finally read my weight; 120lbs. Yea, I thought so. :) that my nurse tells me she's my neighbor. So now the nurse, who's had 4 kids but looks to weigh about 5 cents soaking wet, informs me that she's my neighbor! I'm thinking, "great! not only are you NOT 120lbs, but your freakin' neighbor knows it!" That's just lovely. She asks me the reason for my visit. I tell her I need a physical and a pregnancy test. She instantly lights up. Of course comes the trail of questions. "Do you guys wants kids? Are you guys trying to have kids? When was your last period? ooooohhhh" I say yes to all and tell her my last period was in June. I missed all of July. I took a test, it came up negative. I'm not sure if I did it wrong. She gives me a specimen cup and shows me to the bathroom. The cup was pretty wide and so you think I'd have an easy time peeing in it. Uh, no. I still managed to get pee, I mean "urine" on the sides of the cup and on to my hands. ugh! What am I, 10?!? I flush the toilet, clean the outside of the cup, wash my hands more careful then usual, because I've got urine all over them, and I leave. The test comes up negative. It's okay. It'll happen one day and when it does it'll be great! Until then, we'll just feed our nieces and nephews with all the junk they want and then send them home to their parents. :)
The nurse leaves and I wait in the room for about 15mins before Dr. Robertson walks in. We say the usual "hi. how are you. fine. nice to meet yous" He looks at my name and asks, "So, when was the last time you were back home?" I giggle and say, "Well, Tacoma is only 3 hours away, so my husband and I go back fairly often." He doesn't laugh. I quickly re-trace my steps and in a more serious tone, explain to him that I was born and raised in the states. By then, he's already decided he doesn't care. I secretly wish this visit was already over.
The Dr. asks me why I'm here. I tell him. He nods. He goes down a list of questions. I answer. He nods. He asks me if when was the last time I had a pap smear. I say, "never" He looks at my birthday and tells me, I techniquelly don't have to get tested 'til I'm 30. But since I'm almost 30 (I cringe a little at the "well, since you're almost 30" remark) I can get a pap and HPV test now, and if it comes up negative I won't have to get another for a few more years. I instantly start to panic. Why? Well, I was only planning on getting a physical today. I wasn't planning on having the Dr. look at my whooo-haaa. We just met and I'd like to get to know him better before I let him see the goods. lol. My anxiety quickly goes away when he says, "Just schedule it with my receptionist on your way out." whew! I didn't schedule it. I plan on it one day. Just not today. Or tomorrow. Maybe next month. I need to. Or maybe I'll just wait 'til I'm officially 30. For my b/day gift, I'll go get a pap smear and a HPV test. yay!
The rest of the visit goes well. He listens to my lungs, checks my thyroids, (I was secretly hoping something would be wrong, that way I can have a diagnosis for my being so damn fat. Turns out my thyroids are fine and I just eat too much.) looks in my ears. Thank goodness I remembered to use a q-tip this morning. yes! Tasi le mea sa'o. lol.
Alma and I get in the car and we talk about my visit. He laughs. I laugh. We go eat. I decide I want a second opinion on my thyroid status.