I've been struggling with my attitude about living in Hawaii these past few months. Sad to say, but this "paradise" is not really "paradise" to me. All I can see are the negative parts of living out here; HOT every.single.dang.day., because of the heat, I've got this permanent sweat stache (totes sexy...not), the mosquitos, flies, roaches, ants, gnats, centipedes, millipedes, and any other disgusting, annoying creepy crawling thing, everything is at least 45 min drive away, my family is not here...
That was just my list for ONE day. sheesh! No wonder I am unhappy! My attitude STINKS!
My favorite part of the day is going to bed knowing the day is over. I am basically just living out here and trying to get it over with until February when we get to go home for a visit. That's just my short term goal. My long term goal is basically the same; get each day over with until Alma graduates from college. My attitude is going to be the death of me.
I'm not so sure I want to live out here anymore. I'm definitely not sure I want to live in Hawaii forever. Alma is on a completely different page. He's set. For him, this is it. He has ZERO desire to move back to the mainland. ZERO. Truth is, that makes me nervous and sad. i"m hoping with all my heart one of two things happen: 1. We have more children and my sadness for my son being without friends will dissipate/or he makes friends OR 2. Heavenly Father sends us back to WA because that's where he wants us to live. Well really I have way more than 2 things on my "I hope" list, but these 2 will be fine.
After having Simione, I never pictured our lives without my family in WA. I never pictured Simione growing up without his cousins. I miss them. I miss the noise. I miss the laughter. I even miss the tears and the constant fighting. I don't want to live with mom anymore. I want to move back to WA and have out own house and still be able to see the kids everyday.
I was recently called to the YW as the Beehive advisor. Super excited. Last night I went to the volleyball homecoming game at the HS to support a few of our YW that were playing. Kahau and I went together. Alice came after work. I'm really glad I went. Kehau and I have a goal to go to the girls' games whenever and as often as we can to support them. We want to magnify our callings as best we can. I'm really glad we went. I was reminded why people love living in Laie and why those who leave the island always want to come back. The amount of support and school/community spirit these people have is amazing. People young and old wearing KHS shirts chanting and screaming for their team, holding hands and singing with pride their school alma mater. It's insane! I don't even know my own HS alma mater. I asked Alma if they learned the song in choir or if it's specifically taught in a class as school. He says no. They just grew up hearing it and eventually caught on.
Sitting in the hot as heck gym, packed into the bleachers like a can of sardines, drenched in sweat, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe living out here isn't too bad.
That was just last night. Let's see how it goes today. Wish me and my attitude good luck ;)
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